Our primary love relationship can be the source of sleepless nights and deep emotional pain, or a fulfilling source of renewal, play and intimacy. We can feel safe, secure, happy and fulfilled and know how to discuss issues and engage in problem solving in ways that increase the health of our relationship, or we can be run by forces from the past that we hardly know exist and yet damage the fabric of our relationship.
Often explained as communication issues by suffering partners, our styles of relating to others are learned in the family of our childhood. These experiences result in patterns that are often the first choice of action during relationship challenges yet which create the damage we are entering therapy for. Making your relationship a safe place for both of you means creating the conditions in the partnership where each partner understands the special inner world that moves their mate to behave in the way they do in a way that fosters love and respect. I will help you turn your relationship from a place of blaming and shaming and tearing down, where anger and retreat are the order of each day, to a place of peace and understanding and even humor.
I’ve helped many couples have healthy conversations about the hardest things to discuss, and taught them how to find solutions together instead of endless rounds of arguments. I will help you and your partner learn how to hold each other again, to respect each other’s vulnerabilities and to have each other’s backs. I am passionate about bringing couples back into the connection they have lost. Instead of acting as “referee” for your problems, I offer a way of understanding each other that allows all your discussions to be constructive and not that same old fight that happens over and over without changing anything.
Partners who resource each other create bonding neurochemistry and a deep sense of well-being. When we have a partner with whom it is safe to explore, play and grow, we can feel like venturing out into the world with the power to move mountains or fight dragons.
My training in couples therapy includes the work of the masters Stan Tatkin (PACT) and Sue Johnson (EFT for couples), and John Gottman. I emphasize attachment style, history of developmental trauma, and family systems to facilitate the work of bringing you together again.
ISSUES I TREAT:
NUMBNESS OR BOREDOM
SHUTTING DOWN, WITHDRAWAL